Tricks To Getting Ahead In The Modern Workplace

This one is an old trick, but a good one.  If you're a Gen Y employee, and you want to be well-liked in the corporation, I have two pieces of advice for you.

The first, is to carry a clipboard.  Don't carry a huge one, but everywhere you go, have a clipboard with a piece of paper in it.  Managers like people who look busy.  Having a clipboard makes you look busy.  Even if you're just heading to the restroom, take a clipboard, and it will look like you're hurrying to a meeting.  When raise/promotion time comes, your boss will certainly remember.

The second bit of advice I have for you is to walk fast.  I'm serious.  People who walk fast, even if they are headed to the coffee machine or outside to get a smoke, have two advantages.   The first is power.  If someone stops you, the appearance of stopping takes so much effort, that the person stopping you must have a good reason.  Everyone sees it, and assumes that you are an important person doing important things.  The visual effect is priceless.  Then plays into advantage two, which is no one asks you to do stupid things if you look busy.  Clicking on a mouse doesn't fool anyone these days - but walking fast, still does the trick.

So you're a fast walker with a clipboard.  You're headed for promotion, but there's a big roadblock.  Your fellow employees now hate you for being a hard-working kiss-up who is trying to look like a manager.  The solution:

Worm your way into the hearts of human resources, and be the person, who drops off checks on your floor.  People who have live checks are by definition the cool ones in the company. So cool, they can't pay their bills, and have to cash their checks each week, unlike the ones who get direct deposit.  When you hand someone their check, you're like Santa Claus, and everyone likes Santa Claus.  Take it from me - no one dislikes the person who brings the checks. 

Three ways to get ahead in the corporate world.  You heard it here first.